Ponderation!

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Daffyd
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Ponderation!

Post by Daffyd »

So, this is how you spend your precious leisure time, sitting at a computer sifting through
the output of your fellow posters. Granted some of us are at an age where other (more active activities)
means of inter-action are not physically possible, so a chat with friends fills the gap.
I tend toward the ancient art of pondering.....and I ponder thus....

My luck... my luck of late has been like a bald guy who has just won a comb. Or if I get bored.... I go to the Mall find a great parking spot and sit in my car..... with the reverse lights on. (Wicked I know) Now how to handle cold callers.... If you answer the phone with, "Hello! You are on air!" the caller will quickly hang up. Then there is that saying... When one door closes and another door opens.... you are probably in prison.
To me, 'Drink responsibly' means don't spill it! Just like the other day my neighbour was pulled over by the police, the officer said, "Please step out of the car." My neighbour replied, "I'm too drunk, you get in!"
Now in my pondering you may find I'm wandering so when I say, "the other day" I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago. I remember being able to get up from a chair without making sound effects......... Ah, the good times!
I had my patience tested...... I'm negative.
How many time has this happened? You're sitting in a public place and a stranger takes the seat next to you..... just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?" I run....like the winded. Sixy might be the new forty but 9.00p.m. is the new midnight. I hate it when a couple argue in public and I miss the beginning and don't know who's side I'm on!
When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "What did you hear?"
I don't remember much from last night but the fact i need sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome. Sorry, sorry, I don't mean to interupt people I just randomly remember things and get really excited. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes, that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that'll freak you out! Such as that moment when you walk into a spider's web and you suddenly turn into a karate master.
Sometimes someone unexpectedly comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race and changes you forever..... we call those people.... cops!
The older I get the earlier it gets late. Well here it is a brand new day, and I'm off like herd of turtles.

Don't for get to switch off your appliance...... :wow:....NO! Not now....when you've finished.
Pay ye no mind to what i say....'tis but with words that i do play.

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Ciderman
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Ciderman »

LOL! Thank you Daffyd! You've started my day !
Civilisation is a veneer, easily soluble in alcohol.

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Daffyd
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Daffyd »

Have you ever wondered why gravity gets you down?
I discovered the easiest way to figure out the cost of living is to take your income and add ten per cent!
Have you ever noticed, expenditure rises to meet your income?
I heard it said, 'Poets go from bad to verse' something to do with a writers curse, it leaves one with a penniless purse!
What they should do is follow my example, 'If at first you don't succeed, redefine success!'
Here is a piece of advice that has stood me in good stead, 'Never hit a man when he is down, wait until he's halfway up and catch him off balance!'

Do you know, life is like a mystery tour..... except we all know the final destination. (excuse me, is this your stop?)

The best idea is to die young.......as late as possible!
Tell me this, if your eyes are the windows of your soul, why are your curtains always closed?


:sorry:
Pay ye no mind to what i say....'tis but with words that i do play.

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Daffyd
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Daffyd »

Live and learn......

I never knew that! I bet you didn't either!

Q: Why do men's clothes have buttons on the right while women’s clothes have buttons on the left?
A: When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the left. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid's right! And that's where women's buttons have remained since.

Q: Why do ships and aircraft use ‘mayday’ as their call for help?
A: This comes from the French word m'aidez -- meaning 'help me' -- and is pronounced, approximately, 'mayday.'

Q: Why are zero scores in tennis called 'love'?
A: In France , where tennis became popular, round zero on the scoreboard looked like an egg and was called 'l'oeuf,' which is French for 'egg.' When tennis was introduced in the US , Americans (mis)pronounced it 'love.'

Q. Why do X's at the end of a letter signify kisses?
A: In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.

Q: Why is shifting responsibility to someone else called 'passing the buck'?
A: In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to player to indicate whose turn it was to deal. If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility of dealing, he would 'pass the buck' to the next player.

Q: Why do people clink their glasses before drinking a toast?
A: It used to be common for someone to try to kill an enemy by offering him a poisoned drink. To prove to a guest that a drink was safe, it became customary for a guest to pour a small amount of his drink into the glass of the host. Both men would drink it simultaneously. When a guest trusted his host, he would only touch or clink the host's glass with his own.

Q: Why is someone who is feeling great 'on cloud nine'?
A: Types of clouds are numbered according to the altitudes they attain, with nine being the highest cloud if someone is said to be on cloud nine, that person is floating well above worldly cares.

Q: in golf, where did the term ‘Caddie’ come from?
A. When Mary Queen of Scots went to France as a young girl, Louis, King of France, learned that she loved the Scots game 'golf.' So he had the first course outside ofScotland built for her enjoyment. To make sure she was properly chaperoned (and guarded) while she played, Louis hired cadets from a military school to accompany her. Mary liked this a lot and when returning to Scotland (not a very good idea in the long run), she took the practice with her. In French, the word cadet is pronounced 'ca-day' and the Scots changed it into 'caddie.'


Q: Did you ever wonder why dimes, quarters and half dollars have notches (milling), while pennies and nickels do not?
A: The US Mint began putting notches on the edges of coins containing gold and silver to discourage holders from shaving off small quantities of the precious metals. Dimes, quarters and half dollars are notched because they used to contain silver. Pennies and nickels aren't notched because the metals they contain are not valuable enough to shave.

Q: Why are many coin banks shaped like pigs?
A: Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of dense orange clay called 'pygg.' When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as 'pygg banks.' When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a container that resembled a pig. And it caught on.

So there! Now you know! And don’t say I never keep you informed!!!

I dispute the 'Clinking of glasses' story
My reliable source stated that it began in the old, old times and that the noise of the glasses 'clinking' was to scare away the evil spirits. (Or an inferior wine!)
Pay ye no mind to what i say....'tis but with words that i do play.

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Ciderman
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Ciderman »

The button one is very interesting. Great logic to that!
"The wrong end of the stick " came from before they invented toilet paper. :-)
Civilisation is a veneer, easily soluble in alcohol.

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Daffyd
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Daffyd »

There are some wondrous things upon which to ponder, if one relaxes and lets one's mind wander.....

No one ever ruined their eyesight looking on the bright side.
Have you noticed some people are like blisters, they appear only when the work is finished.

(Oh! Hello there!) ... :wave:

I've noticed that if I drink too much my wife gets slurred hearing. Another thing, women who henpeck their husbands are apt to drive them into the arms of other 'chicks'
I've concluded the best way to break a habit is, drop it! It is a well known fact that the MAYANS invented the zero..... it is...it is.... before that there was nothing.

It is said that bird lovers will do anything for a lark! I think if you are chicken hearted you'll never rule the roost.
Pondering has taught me that if you intend stringing people along, you'd better have a very good yarn.

(How am I doing?)

Take incarnation...... personally I believe in it....... so I have left everything to myself!
Pay ye no mind to what i say....'tis but with words that i do play.

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Daffyd
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Daffyd »

In my pondering I have wondered thus.....

Does a squashed square become a wrecked angle?
Is a dentist always beset by teething problems?
Oh and, would one say that a dentist's locum is to fill in and bridge any gaps?
In the old days did journalists suffer from Reuters cramp?
I once knew a bellringer who dropped a clanger (no, no, that is not all of my ponder) ...he dropped a clanger and was promptly tolled off by the vicar!
It is by keeping such things in the dark that troubles may well mushroom....in my opinion!
I've concluded that some people have the need to feel superior....the rest of us have a sense of humour.

I closed the windows and doors, unplugged the radio and the TV, settled in my all encompassing arm chair and closed my eyes drifted off into that land that has an ongoing horizon and pondered thus.......

As a comedian I prefer to live in the farce lane.
If one agrees to something in principle does that mean they don't expect to put it into practice?
When you come to think of it....unemployment does have benefits.
If you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.
I used to diet to lose weight..... now its to save money!
Hmm...I never argue with my wife because its just my word against....hundreds of hers!
Now that I have dampened down all the extraneous noise I have concluded that silence is wonderful....I won't hear a word against it!
Pay ye no mind to what i say....'tis but with words that i do play.

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Daffyd
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Daffyd »

My pondering has led me to conclude thus.....

Ten years ago the USA had Steve Jobs (of Apple fame) Bob Hope, and Johnny Cash....
....now they have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash....are we all on the downward slope?
Yet we must remember the world is our oyster as long as we have the money to shell out.
All of this brings me to this question: 'What happens to all the money that is thrown down the drain?
Pondering about money, my wife had cosmetic surgery recently. It took ten years off her age and twenty years off my savings!
I know, I know, sour grapes make a dreadful whine!
I am sure that some people miss the message because they are too busy checking with Snopes.
Is celebrity talk just idol chatter?
I'm retired now but do you know it took a lot of hard work to make life easy!
A piece of advice, if your wife wants to drive, DON'T stand in her way!
I'm dieting, perhaps if I continue to lose weight I will get the 'No-belly' prize!

To dream.....the impossible dream, I do it on a regular basis. No dimpled pillows just a comfortable
chair and an absence of extraneous noise!Sit back close your eyes concentrate on that black interior and,......ponder!

Do those that kill time bury opportunity? (Now that needs serious consideration)
Now that they are cloning sheep, have they any udders in mind? (What do you think?)
I find that raising children is like golf....you think you'll do better next time around.
As you rip so shall you sew!
Do you think an uphill struggle gives you summit to think about? (Top that one)
I am of the opinion that condoms should be worn at all conceivable times.
Are you aware behind every successful man is an astonished woman?
They say that early retirement is nice work....if you can get it!
Pay ye no mind to what i say....'tis but with words that i do play.

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Daffyd
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Daffyd »

Oh I love to go a 'pondering' along the mountain track, and when I've finished 'pondering' I write it down when I come back!

One should never dig their heels in unless they are on firm ground!
Does a seven day honeymoon make one weak?
It is said that marriages are based upon trust and understanding, but what happens when she doesn't trust him, and he doesn't understand her?
Have you noticed that some marriages turn into a triangle because someone didn't know where to draw the line!
I say, lead me not into temptation, I prefer to find my own way.
A little English humour here.... One should not protest their station in life or it could be their Waterloo!
Manslaughter is a terrible thing, women's laughter is even worse. (take your time with this one, you'll figure it out)
Have you noticed a terrible mess often starts with a spot of bother?
I have concluded that a skeleton in the cupboard is often a bone of contention.
You've done it, I've done it, but when all is considered self reproach is a waste of a good decision.
Father's Day! The race to buy a Father's Day present usually ends in a tie!
Man does not live by words alone, though sometimes he has to eat them. (I hope I don't have to.)



:wink:
Pay ye no mind to what i say....'tis but with words that i do play.

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Daffyd
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Daffyd »

Seriously though.... have you ever taken time out to ponder? It is a most relaxing occupation, why just the other day I was concluding...........

I drink to make people interesting, because for me beauty is in the eye of the beerholder!
Matrimony..... think about it.... it is really a matter o' money...ask any divorcee!
Never marry a tennis player to them 'love' means nothing!
This perplexed me for a long while, in the end I gave up, but just what is an other word for synonym?
I have heard we live in a democracy.....as long as we do what we are told!
Our politicians promise to remain on their toes, (whilst dragging their heels)..... an incredible feat!
I have discovered that I am an insomniac......but I don't lose any sleep over it!
My wife said the earth doesn't move for her anymore, so I bought her a shovel and a barrow.
You see a person with a chip on their shoulder shows that their is wood higher up.
I told her it is no good putting your foot down when you haven't got a leg to stand on.
I noticed that Father Time waits for no man, but he is often persuaded into making concessions for women.
I am a legend..... a legend is a lie that has attained the dignity of age!
Beware... just because you have dotted the 'i' and crossed the 't' don't think you've sorted 'it' out!
I read somewhere that we are what we eat, my advice would be to avoid NUTS!
In conclusion it is well to remember that, a smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight!

Till next time....


:wink:
Pay ye no mind to what i say....'tis but with words that i do play.

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Daffyd
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Daffyd »

Old age is far better than the alternative. ( I'll give you a moment to think about that one)

In my case its no the bee in mah bonnet that am worried about, its the tilt in mah kilt!
You see on the Richter scale seis does matter!

It is better that you do your own thing, follow the herd and you'll end up in the manure.
When reading this keep a straight face and you'll be laughing.
Answer me this, is atheism a non-prophet organisation?
The truth lies somewhere between the rock of faith and the hard place of reality.

I digress as my mind wanders, ......is a TITLED insomniac a sleepless knight?
Shouldn't all children that are caught playing truant be taught a lesson?
If you have a breakdown on a motorway you'll only have a hard shoulder to cry on.
When all is said and done there is more said than done! IMO.
Take heed, if your father is a couch potato, make sure you aren't a chip of the old block.
As a parent I know it is hard to raise a family..... especially in the morning!
Without discipline, great oafs from little urchins grow!

In conclusion (for now) never trust a man who doesn't have a sense of humour, and be wary of a one who does.
Yabbadabbadoo!


:boo2:..................Who the devil pinched my flute?????
Pay ye no mind to what i say....'tis but with words that i do play.

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Daffyd
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Daffyd »

Are you paying attention???

Vanity arises from the delusion that someone (what on here?) is paying attention.
It is because people who think they know everything are a pain in the butt to those of us who do!
Now success does not come overnight..... but failure usually does.
My wife says she is multi-talented.... but in my view that only extends the scope for being wrong!
Di.... Gressing (Welsh you see?) Do the Welsh make cheese Caerphilly?
Do mountaineers after having climbed a high mountain find it good to Everest?
Another thing ....why isn't phonetic spelled the same way as it sounds?
The way you listen (read) speaks volumes!
Are obese people in grape shape?
Do you know many wise words are spoken in jest, but many more foolish ones are spoken in earnest (be careful)
Is dishonesty a lie ability?
Life's final score...... when brain stops play..... (WHAT?)
If a chef boiled some hyena bones would he be making himself a laughing stock?
Sports fans...a question... is the patron saint of football....... St. Off?

Finally for this session.... Take care....it may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others!


:err:
Pay ye no mind to what i say....'tis but with words that i do play.

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Daffyd
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Daffyd »

I've often wondered if you wonder and what you wonder about
If you've ever succumbed and wondered why don't you give us a shout?

Have you reached middle age when all you exercise is, caution?
One advantage I find about growing old is that I no longer worry about dying young!
I discovered that the secret of life is honesty and fair play, if you can fake that you have a potential career in Government!
I see the Government has finally got our economy moving....... to India!
Careful, a critic is someone who goes along for deride!
Like most of the people who go for broke.....I haven't got far to go!
Ideas are just like children..... your own are wonderful.
I find that the nice thing about meditation (wondering) is that it makes doing nothing, respectable!
Ladies are prone to having 'out of body experiences'.....it is called child birth.
Now here is one to get you wondering, if a turtle does not have a shell, is it homeless or naked?

Answers on a postcard......
Pay ye no mind to what i say....'tis but with words that i do play.

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Daffyd
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Re: Ponderation!

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Ah was justa pondering about that cheese factory that exploded in France........
.....ah bet Da Brie was everywhere.... there could even be a river of fondue.... Gouda no one was hurt...
Pay ye no mind to what i say....'tis but with words that i do play.

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Daffyd
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Daffyd »

However one should never stand on one's dignity.....there is nothing in the world so slippery.
So moving on I ask in a pondering fashion, when one loses one's teeth does life suck?
A puzzlement that haunts me is if smoking can kill how come it cures kippers?
Have you noticed recently that the rail fares have gone up.....AGAIN...there is always one train worth catching.... the gravy train.
An optimist (that's me) is like a kettle, up to its neck in hot water and still whistling.
I've concluded (and I wouldn't want you to mention this) a problem shared is a gift to a gossip.
Women can drive you to distraction, but you have to walk back!
They say it can be a great life if you don't weaken, but I've found it can be an even better one if you do!

Ooooh! I've come over all weak......
Pay ye no mind to what i say....'tis but with words that i do play.

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Daffyd
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Daffyd »

I love to go a pondering down by the railway track, and after I've done my pondering, I meet myself....coming back!

Is poetic justice a hedgehog hibernating on an acupuncturist's armchair.....(Get my point?)
Is happiness a flea at Crufts?
The old Chinese proverb says, 'Many hands make light work' (but only if one of them is an electrician)
This will alienate a few..... Good women are like aliens, you hear a lot about them, but you never actually see one!
Inflation is when your nest egg won't even make an omelette.
Do transvestites like to eat, drink and be Mary?
I was told, 'Today is the first day of the rest of your life.' What on earth was yesterday?
A toast, a toast, ' May your troubles be like an old man's teeth, few and far between!'
A good tip on how to keep your kitchen clean...... "Dine out!"
Golf and sex are about the only two things I enjoy without being good at them.
You see it is not the pace of life that concerns me, its the sudden stop at the end!
The trouble with life is that you are half way through it before you realise it is a 'do it yourself' thing!
Married men should forget their mistakes, there is no use in two people remembering the same thing.

:sorry:
Pay ye no mind to what i say....'tis but with words that i do play.

Maywalk
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Maywalk »

Do you feel better now David. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Thanks for the giggles it certainly helped my meds go down.

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Daffyd
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Daffyd »

No, not really Maisie.....

I'm in hot water again....... whilst I was pondering my wife asked "When I'm called to that big Bridge tournement in the sky, will you miss me?" An involuntary retort sprang to my lips and before I could repress it I said, "How can I miss you if you won't go away!"

One of my greatest fears is the act of stopping to think...... I might forget to start again.
Not all men are fools, some are batchelors.
Its not fair really, I spent my whole youth trying to obtain wealth, and now my wife spends my whole wealth trying to obtain youth!
The most labour saving device ever is a husband with money!
I don't mind getting into hot water from time to time it keeps me clean.
A favourite ponder of mine is, 'If at first yoou DO succeed, don't look astonished, flaunt it!'

A question, 'If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?'
Are you aware that medical insurance allows more people to be ill at ease?
Here is a tip, 'Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
One should always get the facts first........ you can distort them later.
We are all born free.......... and taxed to death.......and beyond!

..............and so forth....and so forth....
Pay ye no mind to what i say....'tis but with words that i do play.

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Daffyd
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Daffyd »

Mah Little Black Book

I have a list of folks I know, all written in a book.
And every year when Christmas comes, I go and take a look.
And that is when I realize that these names are a part,
Not of the book they're written in, but only in my heart.

For each name stands for SOMEONE,
Who has crossed my path sometime,
And in that meeting they've become the rhythm in each rhyme.
And while it sounds fantastic, for me to make this claim,
I really feel that I'm composed of each remembered name.

And while you may not be aware of any special "link",
Just meeting you has changed my life, a lot more than you think,
For once I've met somebody, the years cannot erase,
The memory of a pleasant word or of your friendly face.

So never think my Christmas cards are just a mere routine,
Of names upon a Christmas list, forgotten in between.
For when I send my Christmas card that is addressed to you,
It is because you're on my list, of folks I'm indebted to.

For I am but, the total of the many folks I've met,
And you happen to be, one of those, I prefer not to forget.
And whether I have known you, for many years or few,
In some way you have had a part in shaping things I do.

And every year when Christmas comes, I realize anew,
The best gifts life can offer, is meeting folks like you.
And may the spirit of Christmas, that forever endures,
Leave its richest blessing, in the hearts of you and yours.



Ann Onimous

A VERY.......MERRY......CHRISTMAS ...... TO YOU ALL!
Pay ye no mind to what i say....'tis but with words that i do play.

Maywalk
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Re: Ponderation!

Post by Maywalk »

That is lovely David and I hope that I am on your list. :bighug:

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